End of vacation: what am I meant to do with all these marshmallows?

Back from Bowser, and the mammoth unpacking is about halfway done. The kitchen was the one I had to square away first, and I now have about 4 bags of marshmallows that I have no use for; remnants of s’mores unmade. I’m amused by the trumpeting on the packages: “No gluten! Fat free!” because I’m sure those with celiac disease are like, “Finally!” Have marshmallows ever had gluten or fat? Methinks not. But clearly people are so scared of all these supposed food evils that the manufacturers feel the need to boast about the ingredients their products don’t have and – here’s the thing – never had in the first place. OMG, fat-free orange juice! I’ve been waiting so long. So long.

Overall, it’s good to be home, although the garden needed major watering and compared to Bowser, Vancouver is so hot and full of cement that reflects the heat and light and bounces it all over. I’m going to complain about that to my sister who lives in Manhattan and will be full of sympathy, and then head out to the garden, because that will make me feel better. I was really surprised by the reaction of Mio’s fish, Sapfire, to my approaching his bowl. He came right over and – I swear this is true – wagged his whole body and did all these little flippy moves. It was amazing. I never thought fish could be so responsive. He’s still doing it every time I go over there so I guess the last 3 weeks went slow. We need to pay more attention to this little guy. I think he’s watching Horrible Bosses right now. Charlie Day is my new favourite actor and possibly Sapfire the Fish’s also. We are fans.

I have major work to deal with now that I’m home, so Part II of Reading and Eating is going to take a little while. I’m taking a break from work right now to fret about marshmallows and visit the fish but it’s time to get back to it. Um. Right after Horrible Bosses. Which I’ve seen before. But Charlie Day! So funny! I just wish my sister were here so we could laugh at the same stuff together. But then my work would never get done.

Justin’s out all day (and, I suspect, all night) on a “White” cruise, whatever that is. Sponsored by Heineken, so a beer-soaked fiesta on the water, everyone dressed in white, essentially. I guess the white is so that the cruise looks all glam. Oh, no, the white is a safety thing, so that people don’t get overheated in the sun. Plus if they fall overboard they’ll be easy to see and scoop out of the water. That’s it, that’s the reason. You know Heineken’s all about safety. I dropped him off and saw loads of other people heading towards the dock, wearing their whites, many of which were semi-transparent and they’re not even wet yet, yikes. I don’t care for cruises, even costumey ones, as I don’t like being trapped in circumstances that I find insupportable: too many drunk people staggering every time the boat rolls a bit, and 2 toilets for 100 women, one of which isn’t working. The guys pee off the side of the boat, so they’ll be dribbling pee as well as beer on their white outfits, that’ll be real glamorous. So, better him than me, plus I have work to do.

Right after Horrible Bosses, that is. I have to hand it to Jennifer Aniston as she does a great job in this. Although I wonder cynically if she isn’t trying to break into Leslie Mann territory as the rom-com thing is not big right now, and she isn’t action-movie material. She isn’t period-movie material either. So this is a smart move and she’s pretty funny in this. But we already have Leslie Mann who is damn near unbeatable in this genre, and Elizabeth Banks, and Kat Dennings, and and and. Jen needs a niche and something real to do, something that is not maintaining position on the cover of gossip magazines by hiring and firing new boyfriends all the time. Is it just me, or does this seem like a pattern designed to keep her (and the Kardashians and assorted reality-show nonentities) on everyone’s radar? More on that later. After work gets done.

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