Tag Archives: topless

Kate Middleton, the invisible royal – not!

Back in July I posted about the whole Queen-humiliates-Kate fuss and I opined that Kate would know her place and do the royals proud.

Um, not so much and she didn’t waste any time about it either. She must think she’s invisible. Take off your clothes and you’re totally undetectable! This is what happens when people fuss about what you’re wearing all the time, I guess. You just want to be free!

Was her privacy violated? Yes. Should she fully expect it to be? Yes! By the time you’re in your late twenties, you should be able to assess any situation you’re about to involve yourself in. So, marrying a royal? Pros: fame, riches, meet interesting people, lead a privileged life few get to experience, and of course, prince charming. Cons: your entire life is under a microscope and you’ll have to watch your step every minute. Actually, this was the deal before they were married. Kate’s a smart girl; she went to university. I’m sure she had reminders from palace minions hissing in her ears every chance they had. So there’s no way she should be surprised by telephoto lenses. But now she feels all violated. I think. That could just be the party line. For all we know, she wanted the world to see her topless.

You know what? I guarantee that the aristocrats are saying things like, “Well, of course she wasn’t born to it, so she doesn’t know how to behave properly,” conveniently forgetting Diana’s misbehaviour. Whenever someone who has jumped classes screws up, it’s always attributed to their origins. Remember Fergie? Because it’s all about class. I’m thinking that Kate isn’t so worried about the Queen; she’s worried about her mom. I would be. When I wore a yukata (summer-weight kimono) to a matsuri (Japanese festival) my collar was away from my neck a couple of inches because I didn’t put it on properly; my mother was mortified because apparently that’s kind of slutty, the Japanese equivalent of J-Lo’s navel-low Versace neckline. That was just two inches of the back of my neck! What must Mrs. Middleton be thinking? All their new posh friends are suddenly remembering that she and her husband were once flight attendants. I bet Pippa’s all, How do you like me now? Not to mention Harry.

I’m just shaking my head. I don’t wander around my house without clothes on and I don’t have paparazzi hiding in the shrubbery. What did they need to be naked for? Is it that thrilling? Didn’t Kate learn in her early twenties, like the rest of us, that going topless is overrated? It takes just 5 minutes of uncovered chest in the sun of the Southern Hemisphere to get burnt and it’s very awkward trying to scratch that sunburn. Lesson learned! I guess that was before she was married; she minded herself then, but now that they’re legal, it’s like, What are you going to do? That’s pretty cheeky!

I just can’t understand how Kate and William can imagine that they can be naked in public anywhere and not have their picture taken by some intrepid photographer. I’m sure this guy can’t believe his luck. It’s not like he broke into the place either – they were right out there and he was across the street. And then for the royals to demand jail time? Because Kate and William were being foolish? Seriously, the one who belongs in the Tower is Kate.

…with Harry who should be in there for all that Vegas nonsense. Why can’t these people keep their clothes on? Are they competing to see who can be naughtiest? Someone needs to tell them that streaking is passé. Soon there will be enough photos of royalty unclothed to produce a coffee table book called Naked Royals. Yes, the human body is a natural thing, we shouldn’t be ashamed, etc., etc., but who are we kidding? If you absolutely must take your clothes off because you need to be all sexy in public, keep your cool when the photos come out and don’t act all outraged and righteous about it.

These are yukata. Mine is arranged in a way that says, “Hello Sailor!” My sister’s is arranged properly. Here’s why: I arranged hers and she arranged mine. To be fair, neither of us had any idea that one of us was dressed like a slut, but there you go. This embarrassed my mother no end. I’m going to bring up Kate and remind her about this.

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